if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
birth control should be required to get into college
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
