i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
