$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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