I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
