...so i touched it.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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