There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
