Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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