Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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