you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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