We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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