so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
