Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
