I looked at my own cervix.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
