"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
