you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
