Are we in a gay sports bar?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
