I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
