I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
home. puking in laundry basket.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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