I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
