I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
