Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
