yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
