Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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