omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
