omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
