margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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