Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize