Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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