guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your penis caused this!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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