why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
