I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
