Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
