I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
