I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
