The beer is more important than you right now.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
