I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
