We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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