My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
