Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
