I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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