she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
