I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
