nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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