They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
