you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
