It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
