wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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