You really coming over, don't trick.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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