I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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