I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
