When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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