would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
