no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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