I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
