eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize