Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
