The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
