My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
