the day after is always just damage control
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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