I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
