So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
