billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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