fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I touched a dick in church today
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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