gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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