Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
