I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
