Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
