it wasn't lemon gatorade
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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