Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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