So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
