My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
