Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
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