peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
