Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My life is pants optional.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
