I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize