Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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