she was so not down for the gang bang
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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