She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
