cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
