Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
