She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
