I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize