I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
