Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
