After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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