Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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