WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I will be naked everywhere
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
