Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
