All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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