I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize