You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
