And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
we're so committed to being not committed
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
