Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
