I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
