need another drink. this is the easiest way
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
