shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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