I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
