What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's never too late to be topless.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
