out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
