I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
