omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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