i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
